Dating Newly Out Gay Men – Perks and Pitfalls

Dating Newly Out Gay Men - Perks and Pitfalls

Let’s be honest… Anyone who has just come out of the closet is dealing operating from a heightened emotional space. Life as they knew it, for themselves and those of significance in their life, just got dumped into the proverbial blender and it’s spinning at high power. This doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of pursuing a serious relationship… It simply means they’ve got a lot on their minds (rightly so…) and that navigating the dating world might not be their top priority. Regardless of where they are in the emotional spectrum, don’t disregard newly out gay men immediately. Sometimes, the ooey-gooey, messy stuff is the best part, and can start you both on the adventure of a life-time. Never say never!

5 Pros of Dating Someone Who Just Came Out

  • They aren’t totally jaded by the gay dating scene yet.
  • If they were once married before coming out, they’re probably more relationship oriented.
  • They’re hungry for the gay life and probably open to a lot of new experiences – in and out of the bedroom.
  • Their quest for living an authentic life can be very inspiring to be around.
  • They’re highly committed to being fully in their new life, which in turn translates into being fully in their dating life.

5 Cons of Dating Someone Newly Out

  • Emotionally, they may not ready to be in a relationship even though their heart and groin tell them otherwise.
  • If they come from a heterosexual marriage, they have ex-spouse baggage they’re packing.
  • Their kid-in-a-candy-store mentality may get in the way of them being able to commit to anyone serious, including you.
  • It’s possible they’re still trying to figure out who they are, and they want you to be their gay mentor disguised as the man they’re dating.
  • You may find yourself in a love triangle between them and their ex-spouse. Just because they aren’t sexually attracted to them anymore doesn’t mean they don’t still care about them.

Anytime someone is coming out of a life changing experience, it’s important to check-in with your own personal values and determine how much of someone else’s personal journey you’re ready to take on. To be completely honest, you don’t have to take on any more than you’re capable of, and that includes taking on the newly out of the closet guy. Now, it he’s hot, loaded, got a great sense of humour, can talk deeply, be vulnerable, laugh when he feels like crying, and rocks the mattress, then by all means grab him and don’t screw it up!

How can you do?

First of all, take one step at a time… Big life adjustments take time, and they may not feel 100% comfortable with being gay yet which is perfectly ok, and understandable.
Never discourage! Maybe your partner is unsure about whether to label himself gay, bisexual etc… Sexuality is often fluid anyways, right?
Be patient with the process while also stressing the importance of being honest to loved ones, and most importantly, to themselves.